So, do you want to marry him?

Background information to the story that follows: The Indian population in Fiji still practices arranged marriages. Not the kind where before birth you are betrothed because your astrological forecasts are a perfect match. But the kind where a nit-picky, controlling mother insists you marry by the time you are 27 or you will shame the family- kind of an arrangement. So everybody spreads the single status word & starts to find you a mate. What happens next is as a woman, my prospective partner comes over with his parents & siblings & my family tries to schmooze him with tea and food & our parents brag about each of us. Meanwhile, myself & my potential future husband sit in silence, staring at each other in the most awkward hour of our lives. And of course, the final decision is made 99% based on looks…I wish I were joking about that….they even acknowledge that it’s superficial & know that looks don’t last, but that’s just how it’s done. (So let’s cross our fingers you are having a good hair day.) And if either party says no, you have to deal with the unfortunate rejection, your family’s frustration & pressure & the entire awkward experience ALL over again with the next potential match.
Obviously this isn’t quite the way things go down in my American culture (Haaaaaa-llelu-jah!), however, in my effort to realize we are all One, it’s really not too dissimilar to that of a friend setting you up with someone they know.

The story: I am in the market and was buying eggs from a different vendor because my usual guy was out. I am speaking Hindi with her & because this is unusual & makes me like a show at the circus to them she calls over her brother & the lady from the vendor across the aisle. They are asking the usual questions-“Where are you from? Why are you here? Where are you staying? Are you married or single?” I am used to this & am answering accordingly. One of the women says “I have a son. I want you to meet him.” I know what this means & I reply “No thank you.” Of course she is insistent, a popular trait among Indian women :) She is literally pulling my arm to have me meet her son, so I have to get “American” on her and say “Really, I am in Fiji to work, not get married. I don’t want to meet anyone.” She softly acquiesces and lets go of my arm & then makes a quick call on her cell phone that ends with “Jaldi aao.” Which means, come quick. Oh shit, here it comes, I just found myself in the middle of an “arrangement” in the middle of the damn market! The son comes up and the mother says “Talk to her.” The boy pauses, looks at me and then looks at his mom and says “About what?” The mother grits her teeth and elbows her son and says “Speak in Hindi, talk to her!” I am MORTIFIED and am standing in front of this kid nearly 10 years my junior and thinking “run, ruuuun!!” Alas, the tension breaks and the mother angrily tells her son to leave as if he blew it. Then she squarely looks at me and in all seriousness says “So, do you want to marry him?” I can’t hold in my laughter and then adamantly proclaim to her “In my culture this is not how we do it! No, I don’t want to marry your son, I don’t want to marry anyone now!” She follows, veeeery casually and relaxed as if nothing horrific just transpired “Okay, come back around soon and we can speak more Hindi.”