So, do you want to marry him?

Background information to the story that follows: The Indian population in Fiji still practices arranged marriages. Not the kind where before birth you are betrothed because your astrological forecasts are a perfect match. But the kind where a nit-picky, controlling mother insists you marry by the time you are 27 or you will shame the family- kind of an arrangement. So everybody spreads the single status word & starts to find you a mate. What happens next is as a woman, my prospective partner comes over with his parents & siblings & my family tries to schmooze him with tea and food & our parents brag about each of us. Meanwhile, myself & my potential future husband sit in silence, staring at each other in the most awkward hour of our lives. And of course, the final decision is made 99% based on looks…I wish I were joking about that….they even acknowledge that it’s superficial & know that looks don’t last, but that’s just how it’s done. (So let’s cross our fingers you are having a good hair day.) And if either party says no, you have to deal with the unfortunate rejection, your family’s frustration & pressure & the entire awkward experience ALL over again with the next potential match.
Obviously this isn’t quite the way things go down in my American culture (Haaaaaa-llelu-jah!), however, in my effort to realize we are all One, it’s really not too dissimilar to that of a friend setting you up with someone they know.

The story: I am in the market and was buying eggs from a different vendor because my usual guy was out. I am speaking Hindi with her & because this is unusual & makes me like a show at the circus to them she calls over her brother & the lady from the vendor across the aisle. They are asking the usual questions-“Where are you from? Why are you here? Where are you staying? Are you married or single?” I am used to this & am answering accordingly. One of the women says “I have a son. I want you to meet him.” I know what this means & I reply “No thank you.” Of course she is insistent, a popular trait among Indian women :) She is literally pulling my arm to have me meet her son, so I have to get “American” on her and say “Really, I am in Fiji to work, not get married. I don’t want to meet anyone.” She softly acquiesces and lets go of my arm & then makes a quick call on her cell phone that ends with “Jaldi aao.” Which means, come quick. Oh shit, here it comes, I just found myself in the middle of an “arrangement” in the middle of the damn market! The son comes up and the mother says “Talk to her.” The boy pauses, looks at me and then looks at his mom and says “About what?” The mother grits her teeth and elbows her son and says “Speak in Hindi, talk to her!” I am MORTIFIED and am standing in front of this kid nearly 10 years my junior and thinking “run, ruuuun!!” Alas, the tension breaks and the mother angrily tells her son to leave as if he blew it. Then she squarely looks at me and in all seriousness says “So, do you want to marry him?” I can’t hold in my laughter and then adamantly proclaim to her “In my culture this is not how we do it! No, I don’t want to marry your son, I don’t want to marry anyone now!” She follows, veeeery casually and relaxed as if nothing horrific just transpired “Okay, come back around soon and we can speak more Hindi.”

Storms been a brewing

It’s been a while since I’ve written; the reason being-life has been stormy seas, rough waters, low tides. The past 3 months have not been all rainbows and puppies as one’s Face Book pictures may suggest.

It started with the culture shock of coming back to 3rd world living after being in the salsa dancing, yoga doing, amazing food eating hedonistic pleasures of Melbourne. Followed by political/financial issues at work, multiple health issues (maybe a bacteria?, maybe a parasite?), followed by the worst blow of all, my best friend here, Zoe, was heading back to America for good. She gave it her best effort, but in the end she made the very challenging choice to leave, as she realized she was not going to be able to reach her fullest potential in Fiji. Zoe was my soft place to land at the end of a rough day. We spoke almost every night. She is the kind of person you click with immediately; you see life through the same set of glasses, you live by the same philosophies and she didn’t judge. She was a true soul sister.

AND then to top it all off, I have to move…..again…..my 4th time since I came to Lautoka. Sigh….

No one wants to read Peace Corps Fiji turned country song, but it would be a big fat, shit-hitting-the-fan lie if all I wrote about were pina coladas and sculpted Fijian men. So I’m doing my best to cope during the hard times, realizing that with my former coping mechanisms not around (yoga, salsa, family) one must deal with it in other means….I’m still figuring out what those are!

In other news: I have been chipping away at my CD & have almost all of the music lined up to practice & then hopefully record in late June. I recently wrote a song called “Hugs Not Drugs”. I was walking to the bus stand on my way to work & a guy had a shirt on that said that & I thought, “Yes, I will write a catchy tune that children all across Fiji will sing. They will stop sniffing glue & smoking weed & will run around hugging each other instead.” Perhaps that’s a smidge Utopian, but whatever, the song still rocks.

I’ve also decided it would be a good project to re-establish the library at my primary school. It’s a major project!! I love to read & there are resources in the US where I can get free books. Hopefully the teachers are on board & we can make it a success.

I recently wrote 3 chapters for a values based parenting guide. I felt TOTALLY hypocritical writing them because I don’t have kids! But my boss asked me to do it, so I did.

I finally found a great Hindi tutor! I go to their house every week, we chat and have tea, have my lesson & then eat dinner together. It’s awesome. They really love me, they treat me just like family except for wait on me like a regal guest. Its been 6 weeks now & my Hindi is definitely improving, a most challenging yet rewarding endeavor. I totally busted this kid walking past me talking to his friends in Hindi saying I was hot, hahahahah. Of course he didn’t know I understood & when I said thank you in Hindi he got totally embarrassed and was apologizing.

My most recent brain-child is to create a yoga DVD. PCV Fiji Yoga DVD! I enlisted a very talented video camera aficionado volunteer & we are going to record on the beach front outside their house (actually grass hut). It is going to be VERY basic & the point is that it can be used by volunteers themselves, by PC staff & for volunteers to use in their villages for wellness projects or women's groups etc. I also want to include a special feature of some basic things to do for kid’s yoga & some fun partner work as well as a simple 5-10 minute meditation. I hope to start working on it in Dec.

Finally, about a month ago I got a bike. I have never seen a woman riding a bike in my fair town, ever. So as I was blissfully joy-riding my bike down a dangerous pot hole ridden street a Fijian man running toward me, looked at me and said “freeeaaakkkyyyy”. Apparently no one else has ever seen a woman riding a bike in this city either. I am a spectacle! People literally stop what they are doing to watch me ride my bike. It’s hilarious! Maybe I’ll start a trend. Forget about bra burning, its women’s liberation through bicycle!